These are so the faces I made when I was asked to do a spoken word for an element at MVMNT Conference 2018. Haha! I’m telling you, I’ve done any and everything in my power (I’ve even backed out of events), so that I wouldn’t have to speak or perform in front of others.
The night before I was asked to do this I specifically prayed, “God give me boldness, give me a reason to STEP OUT, give me an opportunity to overcome this fear!” I asked, because I KNEW there was more He wanted of me.
Sure enough, God answered with an opportunity.
If you saw me the first night of rehearsal, you’d know that I CRIED myself off stage because I lost my train of thought and couldn’t remember what I had practiced. I was embarrassed, mortified to say the least!!!
I had practiced, practiced, and practiced. I had my performance memorized but sure enough, I let fear and doubt take away what I had worked hard on.
When I got off stage that night, in tears, I was comforted by the words and prayers of many! Words that I am so grateful for because they all ignited something in me.
Let’s take a few steps back realllll quick! Remember when I said, “I’ve done any and everything in my power (I’ve even backed out of events), so that I wouldn’t have to speak or perform in front of others.” Yeahhh, crazy still, I know! Well, it’s true! For the longest time, I had these thought in my mind:
I can never be a person, full of confidence, to speak in front of others.
I am not enough.
There is no way I can do this.
I will fail at this no matter what.
Is God really going to come through?
Yeah, those thoughts are so real! Although, the words spoken to me the night after rehearsal, set something off!
If God presented this opportunity, there was no way He was going to let me fail BUT, it was going to require MORE of me. Of course, because remember, THAT IS WHAT I PRAYED FOR!?? See where this is going? Haha
This opportunity, or what I saw as somewhat of an obstacle, was going to require trust and faith on a whole NEW LEVEL!
Let’s fast forward to the day of the performance! I was sitting in the sanctuary while the worship team was practicing and God spoke to me! He said, “Press in. Lean on me, more than you ever have.”
Here I am, CONFUSED because I am thinking to myself, “WHAT?”. I thought I was already doing that. He was like, “No, baby girl, there is so much more I can do for you!”.
Like, what a loving father!??? I was convicted because I had been putting a limit on what God could do for me in certain ways and situations. Here I was thinking that God couldn’t change this fear of mine. Which puzzles me because I KNOW what God had done this far, why should I feel like He would stop now? As it’s said, there is nothing you can do that will make God stop loving or being faithful to you.
Okay, back to when God spoke…. So I KNEW what I had to do – lean on Him. For many, that could look different. For me, it meant that I had to go into prayer with a whole new mindset.
And that is what I did! That morning before I had to deliver a beautiful message to God’s children, which put even more pressure on me because I didn’t want to let Him down… I went into prayer with EVERYTHING I had.
Something shifted that morning. I felt breakthrough in my own personal prayer life. Finally, I felt authority to speak and declare God’s words over myself. I was declaring WHO God was and that He WASN’T going to let me down. I declared that fear and doubt HAD to LEAVE.
2 Timothy 1:7 says, “For God has not given us a spirit of fear and timidity, but of power, love, and self-discipline.”
It’s that amazing? He gives power, love, and a sound mind! That is exactly what He did and continues to do for me!
I walked on stage that morning, with full confidence, boldness, and PEACE because He is with me, always! I learned to lean not on my own strength but the full strength of OUR God who is just so so faithful and so loving!
All this goes to show, God did a huge thing in me! I always knew He was with me but now, it’s deep in my heart that He IS with me, always! No more surface leveling what God can do. He is teaching me that we all walk in authority because of Christ who lives in us but, it’s up to us to dive deeper and truly pursue relationship with Him with our WHOLE heart.
With that, I’m telling you.. God can change anything! He can shift your mindset and bring you freedom from fear. I really hope this resonates with you on many levels! I love sharing what God is doing in my life and hope that it brings some light in your dim places.